declaring another boundary (2 of 2) + reminder about the FREE event
Welcome back for part 2 of boundaries! As I mentioned previously, declaring boundaries is a powerful practice. And so is witnessing boundaries. We can do both, together, right now. You might notice that this love note is quite similar to the previous one. This is intentional, to show the consistency in how I hold boundaries.
This second boundary is also very simple, and you might already be doing it. But just in case you're not, here's what you need to know:
~ Do not come at me with unsolicited offers for healing. ~
That's it.
Are there exceptions and nuance? Of course, there always are. But if you're not sure of them, then you're not one.
This boundary comes up the most in live conversations.
Even before publishing my book, I've received many unsolicited offers for healing. The book has been the catalyst for me to declare a boundary that honors me fully.
Here's the issue: people often INTERRUPT me when I'm mid-sentence, in perhaps the 3rd sentence, describing my health conditions (most often sharing about migraines and/or Long Covid).
As with unsolicited medical advice, these offers for healing are likewise inappropriate and disrespectful, however well-intentioned.
You might be wondering why, since these are offers for help.
Again, the unsolicited part. Sharing about my life is NOT a request for medical advice. Just like my memoir—essentially a detailed share—is NOT a request for medical advice.
Don't conflate sharing with asking. If I want healing services, you'll know, unequivocally—because I will ask, specifically.
Another problem: these offers for healing tend to happen most often with people who've just gotten a certification™ from a weekend workshop, in the last year. They're certified™ in something like Rainbow Warrior Energy Healing™, or Crystal Matrix Sound Healing™.
(To be clear, these names are my invention. But I think you understand what I mean here.)
The offer without the ask is gross. Maybe I don't want your healing services.
Or maybe I already have something similar that I like, and thus am not seeking more.
Regardless of my context, the unsolicited offer for commodified, commercial healing feels like a sales pitch.
A tangent, but it's necessary:
It's important to remember that a lot of these certifications™ are ideas that (often, but not always) white people have created. Often as a way to generate revenue. And nearly ALWAYS from co-opting indigenous traditions. And the folks getting paid are rarely advocates for indigenous traditions or BIPOC. They aren't acknowledging genocide in Palestine, for example.
Personally, I find that all pretty gross and want nothing to do with so-called healing. If you can't acknowledge reality, your "healing" is superficial, for me.
Now that I've started to share very openly about my illnesses, I'm shocked at how frequently I am pitched for healing services. This is not the helpful support people think it is. Please don't do it.
And if you haven't, THANK YOU!
As with medical advice, the easiest way to check this boundary is also SO SIMPLE:
Ask. Just ask.
Sample script, after you've read an article or book, or listened to someone describing illness:
"Wow, thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you've had this experience. I am a healing arts practitioner, and I think my services would be a good fit for you. Would you like to know more?"
As with any sincere question, be ready for NO as an answer.
The boundary I now hold for myself:
~ If you come to me with unsolicited healing offers, I will not respond (if sent via message/email/etc).
OR I will exit the live conversation as immediately as possible.
No exceptions. ~
If you really, really have something to share, see above about asking first.
So, with these 2 boundaries declared, people who purchased Still Moving in 2023 are invited to an online gathering!
WHEN: Thursday, January 25th @ 7:00pm US Eastern
WHERE: Zoom link, sent to you after you RSVP
WHAT: A mix of Q&A, writing/creativity exercise, and a short sound journey.
If you ordered the book in 2023 and want to attend, just reply to this email.
Thank you for witnessing my boundaries. I hope you extend this practice, whether declaring or witnessing, to someone else today. And every day.
Still grateful,
S.
---
skyeris.art
she / they
IG